Confessions

I have always looked forward to this season of my life, where I can give my 100% best to take care of my child. To lead her closer to God so she can walk to the destiny God has designed for her. I have too many thoughts and plans on how am I going to do this and that. And as I finally dive into my full-bloom motherhood, the more I understand that it is not easy. 

My ideals and ideas of how am I going to execute things in my mind are not as easy as I have ever imagined. Being a full-time stay-at-home-momma to a toddler is harder than sitting in my office desk working from 8-5, it’s tougher than memorizing songs and lyrics for worship leading on a Sunday service and it’s way more challenging than dealing with people you speak with, on a weekend bible study group or presentations to a prospective clients. All those that I do before has no match to my super-amazing-hyperactive-little-fireball. 

This mommahood is a serious deal! 

Do I feel the pressure? Do I feel inadequate? 

Not all the time, but there are times I would say that, Yes, I do. Sometimes I sit down in a corner thinking to myself, “what happened to my momma goals?”. I thought that it’s going to be easy-peasy, I can easily manage my daughter and whatever I say, she would follow. Like when she was still a tiny-little baby, the world is just too lovely. I can sit down near her crib while I sip on my coffee watching her angelic face sleeping quietly. I can do that all day. What happened to my super quiet and behave baby girl? Don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying every second of time with my daughter and all her milestones, but, there are just times (specially now that she’s a toddler) that I wanted (figuratively) to walk out when she starts diving on the floor and showing the best tantrum and throwing the best fit she can in the middle of a shopping spree. (toddler-life) My-oh-my! 

Encouragement

But I am encouraged that despite of that reality in my hand – my God is Supreme and He guides me one step at a time. He continually gives wisdom and pours out enough grace so I can stand confidently with this wonderful calling He gave me. Reason why these verses are all written in the bible; 

… I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). John 10: 10

And these things we write to you that your joy may be full. 1 John 1: 4 NKJV

“He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!”‭‭Psalms‬ ‭113:9‬ ‭

Clearly our Father wanted us to enjoy life at it’s fullest, the very main reason Jesus died to give us all these. What a great treasure it is to be called a “mother” and even if it comes with lots of home chores, worry or frustration – it is still a wonderful calling, a pleasure to every woman. 

And the good news is, I don’t have to feel perfect or be perfect because the truth is, in my weakness Jesus is there. He fills all that I lack and He just comes to pour out grace to just keep me going. No matter how overwhelming mommahood can be. 

Here’s the best part, yaaas, I maybe missing some of my old routines like being complimented for how good my singing voice sounds (** modesty aside), or how well do I keep up with my sales, how fast can I close a deal or how creative I was as a person, etc. None of that matters anymore, none of that compares to the joy I now have, when my little fireball smiles at me and calls me “nanay” as if I am the only important person in her world just to play with her. Or when she invites me to dance with her over and over again and the unlimited hugs I received all throughout the day, the uncounted cuddles, the thousand kisses – are far more greater than anything else. 

Reflections 

This mommahood journey teaches me one greatest lesson I think most mommas would agree, learning to be “selfless”. It’s no longer about you or what you want or your ideals, It is now about this one little person who looks up to you, wanting to receive from you as you pour out your genuine love, care and understanding. What a relief to know that our children are genuine lovers, they would not reject the love we give no matter how insecure we may feel. Generally speaking, to our children, we are the “only” best person that they’ve got and they would love us no matter how imperfect we are.

So I say to myself, cheer up momma… you may not be as slimmer as you were, you may have missed some compliments and outdoor funs with friends and you may have overflowing junk drawers that needs to be tackled, gardening failures that needs to be redeemed and occasional outburst of impatience and disappointments – as long as You have God and you trust Him, He will help you do it. God will help you succeed as a momma and fulfill all His plans through you, not because you are perfect but because God is. 

Stay humble and lean unto God – He is able to finish the work He has began in You. Enjoy each day of growth, each day of learning, each day of maturity. Live a thankful life filled with songs of praise and gratefulness, because with God on our side, our journey is all but progressive. 

God loves you unconditionally, even if you are not ideal! 🙂 

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