Confessions Of a Newbie Momma, Encouragement and Reflections

Confessions Of a Newbie Momma, Encouragement and Reflections

Confessions

I have always looked forward to this season of my life, where I can give my 100% best to take care of my child. To lead her closer to God so she can walk to the destiny God has designed for her. I have too many thoughts and plans on how am I going to do this and that. And as I finally dive into my full-bloom motherhood, the more I understand that it is not easy. 

My ideals and ideas of how am I going to execute things in my mind are not as easy as I have ever imagined. Being a full-time stay-at-home-momma to a toddler is harder than sitting in my office desk working from 8-5, it’s tougher than memorizing songs and lyrics for worship leading on a Sunday service and it’s way more challenging than dealing with people you speak with, on a weekend bible study group or presentations to a prospective clients. All those that I do before has no match to my super-amazing-hyperactive-little-fireball. 

This mommahood is a serious deal! 

Do I feel the pressure? Do I feel inadequate? 

Not all the time, but there are times I would say that, Yes, I do. Sometimes I sit down in a corner thinking to myself, “what happened to my momma goals?”. I thought that it’s going to be easy-peasy, I can easily manage my daughter and whatever I say, she would follow. Like when she was still a tiny-little baby, the world is just too lovely. I can sit down near her crib while I sip on my coffee watching her angelic face sleeping quietly. I can do that all day. What happened to my super quiet and behave baby girl? Don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying every second of time with my daughter and all her milestones, but, there are just times (specially now that she’s a toddler) that I wanted (figuratively) to walk out when she starts diving on the floor and showing the best tantrum and throwing the best fit she can in the middle of a shopping spree. (toddler-life) My-oh-my! 

Encouragement

But I am encouraged that despite of that reality in my hand – my God is Supreme and He guides me one step at a time. He continually gives wisdom and pours out enough grace so I can stand confidently with this wonderful calling He gave me. Reason why these verses are all written in the bible; 

… I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). John 10: 10

And these things we write to you that your joy may be full. 1 John 1: 4 NKJV

“He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!”‭‭Psalms‬ ‭113:9‬ ‭

Clearly our Father wanted us to enjoy life at it’s fullest, the very main reason Jesus died to give us all these. What a great treasure it is to be called a “mother” and even if it comes with lots of home chores, worry or frustration – it is still a wonderful calling, a pleasure to every woman. 

And the good news is, I don’t have to feel perfect or be perfect because the truth is, in my weakness Jesus is there. He fills all that I lack and He just comes to pour out grace to just keep me going. No matter how overwhelming mommahood can be. 

Here’s the best part, yaaas, I maybe missing some of my old routines like being complimented for how good my singing voice sounds (** modesty aside), or how well do I keep up with my sales, how fast can I close a deal or how creative I was as a person, etc. None of that matters anymore, none of that compares to the joy I now have, when my little fireball smiles at me and calls me “nanay” as if I am the only important person in her world just to play with her. Or when she invites me to dance with her over and over again and the unlimited hugs I received all throughout the day, the uncounted cuddles, the thousand kisses – are far more greater than anything else. 

Reflections 

This mommahood journey teaches me one greatest lesson I think most mommas would agree, learning to be “selfless”. It’s no longer about you or what you want or your ideals, It is now about this one little person who looks up to you, wanting to receive from you as you pour out your genuine love, care and understanding. What a relief to know that our children are genuine lovers, they would not reject the love we give no matter how insecure we may feel. Generally speaking, to our children, we are the “only” best person that they’ve got and they would love us no matter how imperfect we are.

So I say to myself, cheer up momma… you may not be as slimmer as you were, you may have missed some compliments and outdoor funs with friends and you may have overflowing junk drawers that needs to be tackled, gardening failures that needs to be redeemed and occasional outburst of impatience and disappointments – as long as You have God and you trust Him, He will help you do it. God will help you succeed as a momma and fulfill all His plans through you, not because you are perfect but because God is. 

Stay humble and lean unto God – He is able to finish the work He has began in You. Enjoy each day of growth, each day of learning, each day of maturity. Live a thankful life filled with songs of praise and gratefulness, because with God on our side, our journey is all but progressive. 

God loves you unconditionally, even if you are not ideal! 🙂 

Discipline: Learning from my 3 Year Old Toddler 

Who says that raising a child is easy? As for myself and my husband we would say that it isn’t. It demands a lot of “walk the talk” kind of moment, adjustments and leading by example. 

Since we finally have been reunited with our fireball baby girl, we were able to see and observe things that Jake and I needs to address about her, including us and the strategies we need to be equipped of so we can raise her according to the ways of the Lord. Discipline is on top of our priority and as clueless as we are, what best way to understand parenting than to hear it from the Best Parent we know, God. 

It’s not as easy as 123 because we realized that children as little as they are, have characters that needs some understanding, love and corrections. And what makes our situation a bit of a challenge is the fact that we are also re-introducing ourselves to her, as her parents (we have been apart for almost a year). So the question for us is, how can we discipline her in the most loving way that she would embrace obedience even at her young age. 

A good and old friend of mine advised me about “choosing our battles” when it comes to disciplining our child. That means we must be able to discern the actions of our daughter, we must check if it’s a heart or innocence issue then from there we can address it. Sounds easy right, but for my husband and I who are clueless we really don’t have a full understanding on how to start, until one time we witnessed with our own eyes how our baby deliberately ignored us when we called her attention and say “stop”. 

I was hesitant about “spanking” but I know it’s a biblical way of discipling your child. So one time, when we were outside in the playground, Jael showed her us her best tantrum catching the attention of some old moms there. Jael doesn’t want to stop even if we have told her that it’s time to go, so we carried her out and in her defense & with the sole intent of making us see how she can make things her way, she shouted “help, help”. Not only did we make a scene but it was kinda embarassing because I thought I could not control my child. Oh, I couldn’t wait to finish this scene, I walked as fast as I can, carrying my daugther who shouts help in the corridor of our flat until we reached the lift. Surprisingly, I didn’t break down neither did I feel angry towards her. Honestly, what I felt was an urgent matter to address and correct this uncontrollable attitude of my 3 year old. 

Soon as we reached home, I collected myself and spoke to her in a serious manner and I said, “go your room”. I brought her to the corner of our room and talked to her, I warned her that because she was disobedient and she ignores our warning, I have to spank her. She looked at me carefully and shouted and cried. So I took my “pamalo” (wooden stick) and decided to give her a swat across her bum, enough to sting but not to wound her skin. That’s the very first official spank she received from me. She cried loudly and I hugged her tightly, until she calmed down. Then I look at her in the eyes and I told her ” I love you”. She repeated the same phrase and she said “sowee” (sorry). I told her to OBEY and remember to OBEY. She said “okay, obey”. (I was surprised that she understand***) 

After that scene, she now listens to my voice when I call her name and when I say “stop” she obeys. There are still some moments when she tries her way out to do things that she still wants to do. But slowly she is reminded about that “pamalo” which I intentionally placed somewhere she can notice and she would say “obey”. 

Just make sure you stay alert. Keep close watch over yourselves. Don’t forget anything of what you’ve seen. Don’t let your heart wander off. Stay vigilant as long as you live. Teach what you’ve seen and heard to your children and grandchildren. (DEUTERONOMY 4:9)

The role of a parent is one that requires constant vigilance. Not only must parents teach God’s Word and ways to their children and grandchildren, but they must also follow them. (** from the book; Everything the bible says about parenting) 

Being a parent is one great opportunity to learn, get equipped and touch the next generation through our children. And that gift is something that we could always be grateful of by being good stewards of this gift. It is my prayer that my child would grow in the ways of the Lord so that when they grow old, they know how to live life having the fear of the Lord. 

Our discoveries with our little-hyperactive fireball is still far from the finish line. Our disciplining is hardly over. We still have to train our little-active fireball to practice self-control, to be attentive, to honor authority, to listen and accept our instructions without too much drama or throwing tantrums. Our present hurdle is her self-control. Her understanding of “no” is a bit of a challenge, she still throws a huge tantrum if she doesn’t get in her way. For example, if we wanted her to stop running around the grocery lines and we hold her hand to stop, she would cry loudly and make a scene. If we carry her, she would even shout for “help”. Another example is her usage of gadgets. Since we would like her to limit her screentime, once we say stop and take her Ipad, she would cry aggresively until she turns red. 

We have tried addressing this attitude through several techniques for now, before we resort to spanking. First, we ask permission from her and give her a heads up, to up to what time she can use her Ipad. For example, we say ” Jaja you only have 10 minutes left to use your Ipad, okay?” If she ignores that, I’ll come to her and ask her the same question until she replies “okay” then I let her use the Ipad. (Most of the time it works, but when it doesn’t;) Second, we try to distract her with other activities like listening to music or showing her a book, so we can divert her attention. Third, if she is really upset because she has been denied of what she wants, I would stop whatever Im doing and come to her, put her aside and talk to her and explain. (Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t) But for what it’s worth, we will always instill discipline to her until she grasp and embrace OBEDIENCE. 

Proverbs 19:18 – 

“Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Children must be disciplined while there is opportunity, for there will come a day that its too late for parents to discipline their children. For a parent not to discipline their child is to allow them to continue in ways of folly, which puts them on a path to their eventual death. (Everything the Bible Says about Parenting and Children Book)

I look forward to the day when Jael would embrace obedience not by force but because she knows that it is for her good which leads to blessing. We still have a long way to go, until then, it is still a journey that we have to take to discover more things about our child. To develop and train her according to the ways of the Lord. And the more we think it, the more we realized how much grace and wisdom we needed from the Lord! 

Book Review: The Christian Mama Guide to Parenting a Toddler 


It’s been one solid month of staying at home and embracing this whole momma calling. Can’t say I’m not loving it but this is tougher than I ever could imagine. Kudos, to all the stay-at-home-moms out there! 

It is definitely not easy to manage your own home, making sure that your entire day is not wasted and you’ve got something meaningful added to your life and your family’s life. Well, it is easy to sit back and pretend that you just don’t care, but nope, if you wanted to be intentional, then you gotta do something intentional. Besides, that is exactly the reason why I quitted my job and came to agreement with my husband to focus on home matters and discipling our child. 

Going back to the book, that is also another reason why I’m back to this whole reading routine. I am craving, desperate for learning and inputs on how I can manage our home, in God’s way. So if I can devour all the learnings, definitely I would. But of course, it takes proper execution and practice but by God’s grace – surely I will learn and I will grow. 

First on my kindle library is this book “the Christian Mama Guide to parenting a toddler” – this book takes off the seriousness and the “tiger look” of parenting. The writer who is a mama herself raised her kids in good ways, she is also very honest in admitting some of the mistakes she made – reason why Im learning a lot. I would find my self giggling in the corner while my daughter is taking her nap because of the way she wrote her stories, it is just way too honest and incredible. 

This book provides prayer both for moms and their child. Encourages you to grow as a mother without pre-judgment. It’s like hearing your best friend share her stories, without stopping, all the truth and whole picture of this and that, which is cool! 

There are also some parts of the book where you get to be surprised on how much a toddler can do, like situations a “newbie” toddler mom like me, would never imagine it could actually happen but it did happen, at least to her (based on her own stories). Situations that can help us prepare for the “what-nots”. 
I personally like the idea of “toddler proofing” my home and how to become sensitive to toodler sounds – especially in “silence”…

There are so much more to this book and I could truly say that it’s worth all the time reading it. I may have to re-read it again if I needed some sound advise on some toddler stuffs. I may try some recipes too, now that my daughter is becoming more and more choosy with the food we are feeding her. The countless chicken nuggets and spam is already getting into me, she says “yuck” to everything else except those. 

So yeah, it’s 5 stars for this book! I really love it!