I have been around people, many different characters and one that makes me cringe are some “friends” I know, who love to talk about the lives of other people. When I am caught in the intensity of “comment-exchanging moments” “personal opinion and review of someone’s life discussions“, I feel like my ears are brooding.
I can’t help it, I cringe.
It can’t be helped, some people find “talking about someone’s life or business” a past time or a hobby to fill moments of silence or when it’s quiet and there is nothing to talk about. But out of the multitude of words that comes out from our mouths, there comes conceit, envy and pride, we are much closer to sinning when we say a lot. That is why it’s better to keep it shut. That one song has a line that says true about speaking”You say it best when you say nothing at all“. True isn’t it?
I was once a victim of gossip. I accidentally shared to a friend what I saw from a distance, something that I was not so sure about. My purpose of sharing is to confirm of whether what I saw is something real or on-going, I didn’t get any response from that friend but then it spread like a wildfire the next day in the office. I remember that I felt so horrible during those times and no one came in aid to help me. And that person whom I thought can be trustworthy to conceal a matter, failed. The worst part is, the person involved confronted me in defense. I really felt bad.
There were also a moment that I can recall when I was caught in a situation when a person would share something and ask me about my opinion on a certain matter or person then come next day it will be out there. It’s as if I invited myself to trouble, the story will be different saying that “I heard you said this and that to this so and so“.
Well, it happens to many of us, some may even be worst than mine. How many friendships went to ruins because of such incidents, how many reputations were destroyed with such idle chit-chat. It’s not only unproductive, it’s also very dangerous.
Lately I realized my problem, that is me, myself and I. I don’t know who my friends were and Im always very curious all-the-time. I trust everyone around me. I don’t filter my conversations and I am not careful. I learned my lessons.
So how to deal with these kind of people? What if you don’t have any choice but to hang out with them? I mean they are nice people you can hang out with, they can be a friend, an acquiantance or a colleague but they just can’t stop talking about other people’s business – they love gossip and they love to gossip. What do I do with them?
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom
– Proverbs 1:7
Lately I have been disconnected with social-media platforms like FB/IG/Youtube and Twitter. I did it purposely so I can filter information that comes in my thoughts.I just update my blog everyday for the purpose of building consistency in writing. I have been spending much of time reading and studying the bible and the more I read c the more I learn. Actually, it pointed out a lot of stuffs, baggages, characters that I need to change.
One of the many great lessons I learned is about the tongue. In the book of Proverbs – king Solomon gave lots of practical advises on how to tame the tongue, how to behave, how to value silence, how to stop gossip, how to detect people who have perverse mouth, how to choose your friends and be discerning and so on. One topic that keeps on hovering in my head is His reminders about checking the people you choose to hang out with. One way to control your tongue and discipline your speech is to understand the people around you, too.
There were many different occassions when you’ll be in a group of people chatting when suddenly a person would raise a topic out of the blue, about certain person, an incident or a scenario. You would hear these people dissect every single details of such topic, proven or not, then the conversation would go on and on. They would even ask you for comments on how do you think about the topic and if you are not careful, you would fall into the trap of “gossipping”. Yes, gossip.
A gossip betrays confidence
So avoid anyone who talks much Proverbs 26:20
The bible gives practical tips on how to deal with such people or occassions like it;
- GUARD YOUR TONGUE
Make sure that you dont participate in any of the commenting, slandering, gossipping and etc. Keep your mouth shut. If it’s not uplifting, encouraging and purposeful then bury it. If it ruins one person’s reputation and personality then bury it.
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking
But he who restrains his lips is wise
It sounds clichè but it’s still true “if it’s not something nice that you wanted to say then don’t say it”. Mind your own business and live a happy life. We should not be meddling with the affairs of others, nor envy their lifestyle or question about their lives. We are accountsble for every words that comes out of our mouth.
- GUARD YOUR EARS
Do not allow sinful thoughts come in through hearing some gossips or unconfirmed information and unwelcomed conversations .
As person of wisdom we must discern when the topic is already leading to gossip and rumours, we must learn to refuse and say no to topics as well. We cannot allow ourselves to listen to these idle talks and allow the person who speaks to sin further.
A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
Proverbs 11: 13
If we are also not willing hearers, tale-bearers and gossipers will be out of business. But as long as there is someone who listen, gossip goes on. We can not allow ourselves to become accomplices to sinning because we listen to this ungodly conversations. Guard your ears.
- BE DISCERNING
The bible teaches us ways to discern people around us. If we want to pursue righteousness it would right to obey God’s instructions. Wise people know and can sense the kind of people who only gossips and spread rumours. Get away from them. Don’t get associated with them.
A perverse person stirs up conflict,
And a gossip separates close friends
Proverbs 16: 28
Filter every conversations and be wise when speaking. One slip of the tongue can lead to many topics. Choose the people you spend our time with, if it’s not constructive and contributing to our self-development, don’t associate with the topic. Topics that are destructing, malicious and shady are not to be entertained. If they are your friends and someone close to you rebuke them and stop the conversation. But it’s a stranger to you or an a colleague, walk away from it.
We are living in a very fragile world. We are always one step away from danger and if we are not guided and we don’t seek God’s instruction we will definitely loose sight of the right path. True wisdom comes only in knowing God deeper. If we spend our time learning it, day and night, night and day we will soon adapt to what God has really called us to become! GOD ALWAYS LOOK INTO THE INTENTIONS OF OUR HEARTS. We don’t live to get the approval of man, dare to be different and be that source of encouragement in the sea of confused people.
Be wise and walk in the knowledge of God!
Be constructive and don’t join the critics.
Be encouraging, be the light that lits up when it’s dark. Be an inspiration. Don’t give up and don’t give in! ❤
Conceal, don’t hear, don’t let them know- let go! Put a stop to gossips! May it start with you!