Recently, I felt that my relationship with God has gone much deeper than yesterday. My desire to learn more from him sprouted through the constant revelation God has been doing in my heart. The corrections, disciplines, rebukes and reminders are real, perhaps, that urge to decide and to fight for the intimacy of sitting at the foot of the cross everyday has something to do with it.
I used to complain a lot, so much that my heart became so calloused of all the things I thought I deserved and never had but God has better, much better plans.
I came across the writing of the Apostle James talking about blessings and how much God loves us that he quoted this phrase “every good and perfect gift came from the Father of heavenly lights”. It just strike me in the head. I thought, that because of my devotion to working hard, keen planning, not doing bad things made me deserving of the things that I enjoy now. My job, my child, my husband and everything else – I thought was because I simply deserved it. But hey, I was wrong. The Father of heavenly lights who doesnt change like shifting shadows is the ultimate reason why I enjoy the priviledges and the benefits I now have here on earth. My family, health condition, my beautiful daughter and wonderful husband, my mom and sibs, my work and everything else came from Him. Nothing of all these things do I deserve but He chose to give because of His great love.
I fell on my knees, all the pride & my selfish desires vanished. I cried. I literally felt so little and so ashamed of myself. But hey, God understands. He does. And with a gentle and quiet spirit, I thought He whispered in my ear that He knows me well. He knew this time will come, when I will finally realize that His love for me is greater than anything. Even greater than my selfish, egoed heart and proud soul. He loves me more than I could ever imagine, so much that even though I am undeserving, He will continue to bless me just because that is His nature. He is a loving Father. And He is love.
Moral lesson, be grateful. Always.